He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i wish my penis had a tongue
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just puked most of my soul out..
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
