Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize