cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
