Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
