i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
