Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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