I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
