3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
