I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
