she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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