We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I smell stomach acid.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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