The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
