This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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