just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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