Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
