i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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