she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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