Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
