my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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