Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
