I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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