OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Randomize
