dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
