her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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