just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize