just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
