Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
