Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
