i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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