my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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