Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
