i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize