This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Found your dick twin last night
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
