I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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