TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize