I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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