You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
