can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
