can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
