I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize