We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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