We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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