thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
