About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
