the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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