we have pet lesbian snakes
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My pussy is not your playground.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
you had me at cake vodka
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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