I murdered the dance floor call the cops
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
