omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
