i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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