***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
whose parrot is this?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
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