my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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