ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
