Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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