Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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