And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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