Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
they're like a gay fantastic four
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
