he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
