And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
