I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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