I can't watch pbs sober anymore
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
