I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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