i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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