Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
