no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
