Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
