You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
