thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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