You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
