Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
