Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
