i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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