Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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