Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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