Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
