the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
