It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize