bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
