We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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