Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
