Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
